You know, I know, everyone knows that the direction and speed of human life change from time to time. It has happened in my life, maybe it will happen in the future. Before the advent of Memsaheb in my life, my life was going on in such an awkward situation that it is not necessary to mention it. For some time after getting Memsaheb, I was so engrossed in a strange intoxication that I did not feel the need to take a break or worry about my ghost-future.
But then, after the cloud of uncertainty cleared from the sky of my mind, a wonderful tide came into my life. At first glance, the ideal seemed unbearable, impossible. It seemed that understanding was lost, understanding happened. Memsaheb like me also had many unknown fears in his mind. Later, when I found the two of them with all my heart and soul, and when all my mind became a temple in the joy of receiving him, all the worries slowly went away.
If I hadn't got that hand of Memsaheb in my own hand, if I hadn't heard the familiar vibration of getting Memsaheb's chest, I would have felt a great discomfort in my mind at first. Beyond the boundaries of identity, in that first chapter of love, the mind became very narrow. There was no thought in my mind except to get close to Memsaheb. I couldn't imagine anyone but the two of us at the world fun fair. The world and everyone else seemed to be useless. I thought of only one aspect of life, one organ, the whole life. Gradually, as we became closer, these misconceptions disappeared. Moreover, Memsaheb's love gradually embraced my whole life, my vitality. Memsaheb is not only my dearest companion in my personal life but also the companion of the joys of youth.
You know, our ancestors only knew that a wife is a son. If we read the history of our gods and goddesses, we know the story of one mother giving birth to hundreds of thousands of children. With the evolution of society, the story of becoming the mother of thousands or hundreds of children has been captured in the pages of past history. Yet ninety-nine percent of our women's lives are confined to their husbands' beds and kitchens.
I have seen so many children love and dream lately. Getting love changes the lifestyle of many people. True but my memsahib not only gave me punt, but he also gave me new life. He was not blind to my love. Like a fugitive from my warm bed in the dark of night, he did not seek refuge, he wanted to play a role in every chapter of my overall life.
There can be more to a man's life than a career. No. Failure in career, defeat in work, death of man is equal. What is the value of a woman's palm in the life of a failed, defeated, humiliated man in her career? Where is the recognition? Memsaheb realized this ultimate real truth. I, however, was preoccupied with love. I did not have so many thoughts. Coming back from Madras, I am doing new work with a lot of minds, some money is also being imported. My mind was filled with happiness. Moreover, even though I did not get a job in Calcutta, I got some prestige in the government and journalism circles for getting a job in an English daily newspaper in distant Madras. In my mind, maybe I was a little arrogant. One day Memsaheb struck a chord in my consciousness, now you are thinking of something else?
Your words-no, my words?
Memsaheb shouted, ah! Don't be silly
I was surprised. Why are you angry
Memsaheb was thinking with his face on both knees. As soon as he heard my question, he turned his face away in anger.
I called, Memsaheb.
The answer did not come.
I called again, Memsaheb does not listen! Yet no answer came. I was a little worried. I went a little closer. I turned my hand on my head and said, why am I angry?
The answer came, move a little. This is not the dining room of your own flat, Kolkata Maidan.
I realized the weather was bad. If I force-land, my plane will be damaged, there will be no good. So in the hope of improving the weather, I started eating at the top.
After a while, Memsaheb said, I could not have imagined before seeing you that any man could be so indifferent about his own future.
Are you talking about this all of a sudden?
If he understood that, would there be any sorrow in my forehead?
You're in a bad mood today. s
Yes. Now he bends his head towards me and says, I will say, why?
Don't tell?
Tell the truth?
Of course.
Can you cope?
I replied like a hero, the heart of a hero does not tremble.
Memsaheb smiled a little sarcastically. Said, do not be ashamed to talk nonsense? Where will you try to take yourself further - not just -.
I have just started a new job. What's new again?
You don't know what to do
I really get into thoughts. I don't know what he wants to say. I grabbed her hand and said, Lakshmi Memsaheb, don't tell Frankly what you mean. What is the benefit of being angry?
Memsaheb says, after getting this new job, it seems that you don't want anything else. Isn't it?
Of course, I want to, but if you want, you can't get it
You know
If you just think of Memsaheb, you will never get anything in life. If you want to get something new, you have to go around, take care of people, work hard.
He was right. The rest of the time was reserved for Memsaheb by doing daily activities.
Memsaheb says again, you have got me a lot, you have got me wholeheartedly. Now it will not be possible for me to go to the stove. No one will take me even if I want to. So you are safe. This time I was saying, you can do your job without fear.
I took the new job one step further. I stopped immediately. I want to be safe for at least some time
Law. Memsaheb could not bear it. As long as Memsaheb wanted status in his career, not dignity. Come on, there is no question of resting till then.
How many people write so many articles, how many features, how many stories on paper, you can write too.
I never wrote that. There was no opportunity to write anything other than writing a report.
Opportunity does not come, opportunity is to be taken.
I wrote you before and he didn't talk much like me. Memsahib's thoughts would come out with a few words.
Dolabaudi, nowadays a team of doctors treats everything with patent drugs, capsules, tablets, injections, just as almost all the reporters in the newspaper can write a report in a hurry. To prescribe a mixture for the patient, the doctor has to exercise the brain. Even if you want to write something other than writing a report in a normal newspaper, the reporters need to have some miracles. I never had that miracle, not even today. But the name of the push is Babaji. Memsahib's tears, it was impossible to do with a sigh, so I was forced to start a miracle with a pen.
You can't imagine how bad he is to me. When I sat down with a pen and paper, my chest would burst into tears; Still could not stop. But is everything possible if you try? It was not possible for me.
Do you know what I did last time? I started writing articles. I read some books and magazines and started writing articles. This did not require one's own knowledge, it required some intelligence. Gradually they began to be printed, and there was little money to be made.
One day I said to Memsaheb, I see how beautiful I am earning by cheating.
Earning with one's own knowledge is not cheating. I understood that Memsaheb had said that day, chant the name of Ram. You don't have to think so much, maybe one day you will meet God by calling.
Memsaheb fell in love with the fact that I started chanting the name of Ram with a pen, I could not stop it even today. Memsaheb seems to be lost in the strange whims of Bidhata. I know he may or may not be able to read my writing. Sometimes I think about whom to write? What should I write for? By the grace of God, even a cripple can cross a steep hill. I have not received God's grace, nor will I in the future. Everything I've got in life, everything I've done, it's all for that podcast. The girl drove me crazy with love and I gambled with my animal while doing that madness. & Under normal circumstances, no human with a healthy brain. I will not dare to play such a game with my life. I have done it, I can do it today but I will not be able to do it from tomorrow. How can I tell? That Porakpali put me on a tree and ran away with the ladder. I am wandering in the branches, in the leaves. But for how long? Everything has a limit.
I went to write what I wrote. When I went to write about Memsaheb, my head turned and I lost my mind. I can't judge unfairly. I never thought I would write about Memsaheb in my life. But I am writing to you because of the misery of the situation. I would never write this to anyone. But you know, the mind is getting much lighter by writing the letters. There is also fear. Just as doctors are reluctant to treat their beloved wife and son, I am afraid to write about my memsahib. It is certainly not possible for me to do justice to Memsaheb with thought and language. I don't have the ability to say or write exactly what anger, pride, love, and what miraculously took my life on board.
There is an addiction to newspaper reporting. He is addicted every day. One day's excitement, a new tide of excitement comes in the life of the reporters whether they cut the nash or not. Moreover, the diversity of excitement makes reporters even more intoxicated. Most of the reporters lost their lives due to that tension. It is not possible for anyone to do something special even if they have the will or ability. Memsaheb did not want my life to be filled with such unnecessary excitement. He wanted to make my field of work wider and wider.
While walking in the Botanical Garden, Memsaheb grabbed my hand and pulled me, and said, why are you going so far?
This is not your drawing-room.
Memsaheb almost hugged me with lightning speed and took me behind a tree. He hugged me with both hands and said, are you angry?
Crazy. Why should I be angry?
You're too angry, aren't you?
I was not angry at all. If you want to get a good job. P. S. Sir is to give the test, to pass; Even if you want to get it, I have to pass some exams.
He grabbed my hand and pressed my face and said, don't talk nonsense.
Not bad Memsaheb. You could have had someone more well-established in your life if you had wanted to, but once you slipped on my ferry, I was trying to make myself.
With a sigh, Memsaheb said, "Your mind is scattered today." So I will not say today, I will say two or four days later.
Why later? Tell me today.
You won't believe it today. I can be angry with you. But I will never disbelieve.
Right?
That's right.
Memsaheb pulled my hand over his head and said, "Put your hand on my head and tell me you will not disbelieve."
In the midst of so much anger, so much sorrow, so much arrogance, a line of smiles appeared on my face. I put my hand on his head and said, honestly I will never disbelieve you.
The two of them sat a little further in the shade. Memsaheb said, "I could have married another well-established boy in my career, maybe he would have earned a lot more than you." But I think it is very rare to find a wife in the heart of a very well-established man.
Pause. Say again, look, okay
I don't have much interest in money. I want to be a little happier! That's right, but if you say so much money, the mind is ruined. I don't want that.
I said, you almost started talking about the Uday Path dialogue.
Memsaheb grabbed my hand and said, don't insult me like that. If you want, you can rule, you can talk. But don't make fun of my love.
Memsahib's voice became very heavy. I realized that in the next step, the Shravan Dhara will come down. I just can't stand the tears in his eyes. I quickly pressed his cheek and said, are you crazy? Shall I make fun of your love?
Memsaheb gets a little peace, relief. He puts his head on my shoulder. I caress her face with my hands on her head. Memsaheb comes to me more. Say, I don't know why I love you. Maybe you do that to me. I couldn't give you back because you wanted to. I've been thinking about you all night long alone.
Is that so?
But what! You finished me by thinking!
I understood that. But you are so irritated with my work, why?
Memsaheb shook his head and said, I will not be irritated? Is it possible to make a workaholic, gossipy, feminine person like you work if you are not irritable?
Who does not have a wife, how can he be feminine again?
Don't be silly What I am doing without getting married is not something to say anymore. I do not know what to do if you get married?
Jan Dolabaudi, Memsaheb used to do a lot of mischiefs. If I caressed, I would melt, if I loved, I would be fascinated, if I did mischief, I would enjoy. But later on, when I was cutting the tip, it seemed to me that they had no urge, no need; Everything I need.
Whatever he said while sitting in the Botanical Garden that day. You know? Said, I want you to grow up a lot. No one can say. Your life was ruined when I came. After that, if you get involved in worldly religion, will you get so much leisure? Will not get Now you won't waste a single moment, I won't waste it. I will raise you with all my dreams, pursuits, strength.
I say you go ahead of yourself. You can go abroad, you can do research.
Memsaheb is surprised and says, I? I will not do anything after marriage. I will give up all my jobs.
But what to do?
What to do again? I will do housework.
So why leave the job?
If you work, you can no longer have children. Besides, what a strange thing you do. There is no exact address for work. So why should both of them be out?
He said later, I will try to help you in your work by doing household chores. I can't be a journalist like you, at least I can be your secretary.
One day I suddenly looked back and saw a huge change in my career. In addition to daily reporting, I was always busy writing new things. The whole day is spent in clipping, filing, taking notes in the library, reading books, then writing and arranging to print that writing. There is no time to meet Memsaheb every day.
Meanwhile, catastrophic floods occurred in North Bengal. Houses, railways were washed away, lands were submerged, and millions of people were crying. At the behest of the news editor, I was on leave to report on the devastating flood. I telephoned Memsaheb to the college and gave him the news. He came to the station and said with Nirmalya in his hand, Mar Nirmalya of Kalighat. Keep it close, there will be no danger.
Peace did not come only with Nirmalya. With a huge packet of biscuit-jam-jelly, he said it would be difficult to eat in the flooded area. Leave these.
Except day fifteen I turned around. Memsaheb was shocked to see me, what is your condition?
What's the situation again?
What happened to your body!
Irregularities-torture will make the body worse, so what is there to wonder?
He did not say anything special that day. The next day he came with a bottle of tonic. The order is to eat two spoons twice a day. Don't get me wrong. And stop drinking tea every hour.
Stop drinking tea?
It sounds as if it has fallen from the sky. Almost so. Successful journalists whiskey and unsuccessful journalists survive on tea. If you leave that tea, will the whiskey be white?
Of course! If not, how will my forehead burn?
I was living my life like the mad Padma without rules and regulations. Life seemed chaotic. But this girl came and turned everything upside down. Made me almost a gentleman. Above all, in my eyes, my soul dreamed of beautiful quiet family life.
344.135 SRY