Why people associate happiness with love? Part #1

Many people associate happiness with love. We meet someone and suddenly it seems to us that this is an ideal, almost without flaws, deserving forgiveness for everything, unconditionally accepting it. Every moment with him is beautiful, he frees us from loneliness, gives meaning to existence. Soon we feel that we cannot live without a loved one, every moment without him remains only longing and counting down the time until the next meeting.

 

The state of falling in love gives us wings and elevates us - it is not surprising that psychologists almost unanimously recognize this state as akin to a mental illness, a mild form of psychosis. Falling in love is often accompanied by erotic infatuation. Falling in love usually lasts no longer than a few months, although with proper care it can take several years.

 

Then awakening inevitably comes, and with it often disappointment. This is why many love-influenced marriages end up in court amid subsequent impulses - this time because of less pleasant feelings such as resentment, anger, hatred. Mutual accusations, fights, looking for blame, humiliation and trampling on the dignity of a partner make the spouses forget how happy they were at the beginning of their relationship.

German-American philosopher and psychoanalyst Erich Fromm in his famous book "On the Art of Love" contrasts falling in love with true love. The same is done by Christian, Buddhist, Hindu ethics and other religions or worldviews that point to love as the highest value. Love is the will to create a partnership with another person based on deep knowledge, respect, trust, caring and loyalty - until their death separates them.

 

According to the supporters of such Love, any couple of people who do not experience erotic repulsion from each other can create it if they both want to. Therefore, perhaps our parents' arranged marriages, concluded calmly and deliberately, were not so bad. If people share everyday worries, if they do not reveal each other, then even if they were not in love at the time of the wedding, after some time love will arise between them.

 

One of the problems of our modern society is the yearning for Love and the accompanying fear of intimacy, the lack of the ability to build strong relationships. More and more married couples get divorced after the first crises, claiming that it was not a successful relationship or that there was nothing between them at all, their life together was empty. Needing warmth, acceptance, tenderness, care, most people try to satisfy these needs in superficial relationships, fleeting romances and casual sex.

 

As a result, modern man is still looking for something, he is still longing for something, and he is alone, alienated, separated from others. Most often, weak and scared, he cannot trust himself and other people, enters deeper areas of intimacy, lets someone in. The decision to start building an intimate relationship is definitely risky. We are afraid of being offended, afraid of failure, afraid of rejection. We have heard enough judgments and accusations in our lives, so we ourselves often do not believe in our potential, do not notice our merits and strengths. We are afraid to see ourselves as real and to give ourselves a chance to accept, understand, love - for ourselves, and therefore for another person.