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Acting well is the most tiring. Because even though it is actually acting, it has become a daily mandatory habit. Many times, when someone asks, how are you? Then even though we are broken inside, we say, I am fine. I say because there is nothing else to do except tell. Will anyone understand if we tell the story of our suffering? Will anyone be by our side? Rather, most of the time, people will laugh, joke, and some will use that weakness for their own benefit.
So now acting well is the safest. Because we live in a society where there is no room for true feelings. Where no one wants to see the black under your eyes and understand that you do not sleep at night, or no one reads the fatigue that is hidden behind your smile. Everyone just wants to see whether you are smiling, whether you have dressed up, whether you have written positive words in your status. Telling someone how the inner battle is going on makes you weak.
I speak for myself, I often smile in a way that makes others think I am very happy. But if they only knew, how many sleepless nights I spend, how many words get stuck in my throat, how many unspoken feelings are buried in my chest. The act of being good becomes a great fatigue inside me. Because every day I have to convince myself that you are okay. And I have to show people outside that I am okay. But it is not possible to be truly okay in any way.
While doing this act, a person eventually forgets what he was like, how he used to laugh, to whom he could tell everything without fear. Now it is just a masked person, a masked smile, a masked good-naturedness. Sometimes I have to stop talking to myself because a distance has been created with myself. This act of being good has to be continued not only outside, but also in my mind. And this is the most difficult, the most tiring thing for me.
709.465 SRY