Why do we run - why do we chase? Why the constant push/pull, hot and cold in a relationship? How can we feel so good and so certain about a person's love for us and then suddenly feel so uncertain and afraid? There are two main reasons why this happens: the first, unfortunately, is that it's a tactic used to lure someone in by "love bombing" them with promises, assurances, affection and attention. And then when the person feels safe and happy in the relationship, the other person pulls away making them feel threatened with loss and abandonment, which weakens them to the point that they give up their equality in the relationship and chase the other person; essentially it's a power play. Watch out for a person who really only wants control.
The second reason, and what happens more often, is the result of a person's insecurities and not feeling confident enough in themselves and what they really want. When we feel good about ourselves, we want to share our love and give the other person our everything, but when it comes to living up to those expectations, we often get scared and feel inadequate, which makes us pull away out of fear of disappointing them. Our partner gets afraid from us pulling away and runs after us. After a usually very emotional exchange and many reassurances and some compromises, the relationship may become "hot" again - at least until insecurities get triggered once more. The best way to deal with this is with honesty and not being afraid to admit our weaknesses. Both people have to learn how to be vulnerable enough to express their fears and be able to really listen to their partner with empathy, understanding and grace. To do that, we have to be able to put aside our feelings, not take things personally and realize that what they are really struggling with is themselves and their own insecurities. Try to be calm and make them feel safer staying than running away. The key is to choose love over fear by pushing through the fear until love pulls you into each other's arms - the safest home of all.
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