How to Overcome Shyness, Eliminate Shyness!

"I can't do it, you just talk about it"
How come my hands are sweaty and I don't feel comfortable talking on forums?"
"Ih you are really shy anyway!"

Have you ever experienced dialogue like the example above, or actually encountered a situation like an example above? The above situations are often encountered when a person feels embarrassed, faces a situation that makes him embarrassed, or is someone who is shy. The word 'shame' itself has many meanings, but what exactly is 'shy' in the context of psychology, and how to 'overcome' shyness? Come on, let's see more!

What is Shame?

According to Alan (2000), shyness is the tendency to have awkward or uncomfortable feelings that are present and felt caused by new situations, other people, or forms of fear of beliefs that are believed to be what others think. This fear can hinder a person's ability to do or say what they want.

Shyness comes in varied forms and strengths. Some of them feel uncomfortable feelings in a mild form which can be overcome by themselves. The context of 'shame' is also something that can be experienced by anyone and is considered normal, especially for children and when facing new situations. Shame also has to do with the cultural context.

In western culture, one tends to be able to freely say what one feels and be assertive, which is different from the context of an eastern culture which has a more positive perception of 'shame' and directs it in the form of manners and manners.

Shyness becomes something that has negative and disturbing connotations when it is consistently present to show physical symptoms such as blushing, sweating, palpitations or feeling abdominal pain, negative feelings about oneself, and concerns about how others perceive themselves, which leads to a tendency to withdraw from social interactions. Have you ever experienced it?

The Origin of shyness

The shyness that is present continuously makes you a shy person. The American Psychology Association explains that there are many factors that influence a person to be shy. Among them are biological, environmental, and social experiences experienced by a person.

In addition, Eggum et al (2009) also mentioned that fear and shame have a positive relationship. Children who are at their stage of development and have fear will have a great tendency to grow up shy. At the stage of child development, the role of parenting patterns becomes an important point in shaping shyness in children (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2004)

Shyness is recognized from childhood when the child begins to face the stages of knowing himself and others. The role of parents in forming self-confidence in children to be able to interact and recognize themselves plays a big role. Children who are raised in overprotective and authoritarian parenting patterns can cause children to grow up to be shy.

Children do not get the opportunity to learn to interact socially and thus have difficulty developing social skills. In adulthood, environmental factors and social experiences are the causes of a person becoming shy. A person who has experienced social rejection, and failure, and is also not in a supportive environment, will be more prone to grow into someone who is shy (American Psychology Association)

The Nature of Shame and Introversion

Often shyness is associated with an introverted personality. Both shyness and introverted personality have something in common with the existence of behavioral tendencies to avoid social situations, especially when the situation at hand is an unfamiliar situation. However, various studies have shown that it turns out that shyness and introverted personalities have clearly different motivations and cannot be described theoretically as having something in common (Sun, reported from the BBC, 2019).

Research shows that in introverted personalities there is no unique physiological response, such as an increase in heart rate, which accompanies socially withdrawing behaviors in social situations. Sun further explained that a person who has an introverted personality has a tendency to introspect or explore his own thoughts. This is in contrast to shyness which is shown by the tendency to be the inability to be open to experience and socialize. These two things are often referred to as related but are not the same thing.

How to Overcome Shyness

Shyness is sometimes an obstacle in itself to being able to develop one's own abilities. The existence of many factors that influence and cause the presence of shyness does not mean that shyness cannot be overcome.

Here we have prepared some tips that you can do to be able to overcome your shyness!

1. Have a positive dialogue with yourself

Having a positive dialogue with yourself helps you to cultivate affection for yourself. Positive dialogue with oneself can overcome doubts in oneself to be able to face new challenges. Instead of focusing on negative and pessimistic things, you can focus on looking from a much more positive and optimistic perspective for yourself.

Instead of telling yourself

"I can't handle this," or

"This is impossible,"

Try to say that

      "I can do it," or

      "All I have to do is try."

A positive dialogue with yourself will lead you to have a positive mindset so that it can grow your confidence to interact.

2. Doubting shyness

Doubt makes you feel uncertain which leads to low confidence in yourself. This is often a problem when someone feels embarrassed. You can fight your doubts by "doubting the doubt".

The question again is the truth of what you doubt about yourself. Question limiting beliefs and make you hesitate until you can realize that there aren't many facts that support your dubious statement!

3. Constructive social environment

Environmental factors play an important role in overcoming shyness. People who spend time with you can influence your thoughts and attitudes about yourself. You can choose a supportive environment to be able to overcome your shyness. An environment of appreciation and constructive criticism will encourage you to improve yourself and increase your confidence in yourself!

4. Keep practicing!

To overcome shyness, you can set goals or targets that can train your shyness! For example, take the courage to ask questions in class at least once a week or try to have an opinion in a forum.

When setting goals, start by trying to be realistic and make sure that your goals are achievable. Start slowly and set small doable goals. By following through on your own commitments, no matter how small, you will learn to trust yourself and gain confidence in what you are capable of achieving to challenge your shyness!

5. Don't Compare Yourself to Others!

Self-comparison becomes one of the causes that perpetuate shyness in a person. The presence of a feeling of lack to the point of being left behind for achievements or steps that have been made by others will make you unable to appreciate and see the steps you have gone through yourself.

Instead of doing a self-comparison, you can replace it by creating a gratitude journal that continuously looks at the things you learned and is grateful for to help you focus on your own process!

Shyness is something that can be experienced by anyone. As already spelled out above, there are many factors that influence the presence of shyness. Hopefully, the tips provided can help you overcome shyness. If you feel that shyness has shown a very disturbing intensity in social activities, you can also see a professional to be able to overcome it together.