Have you put together a new year's resolution for a better 2022? This time, the Psychology Campus has tips for those of you who want to improve your social skills, one of which is to be more assertive.
Although this topic is more suggestive of the world of work, being assertive is not only applicable in professional life, but also in everyday life.
Before, what was assertive? According to Dale Carnegie, assertive people are people who are able to resist the pressure and dominance of aggressive people, defend personal beliefs, and control themselves in important situations. They will not be easily manipulated or controlled by others.
Example Case
Before getting into the tips, let's compare the two case examples below:
Case Example #1
Lintang is a new employee in his office. However, his experience in the office was not very pleasant. Within 2 weeks of work, he was already faced with tasks and jobs whose burdens were burdensome. He also often feels bored at work, comes home almost sleeping on a motorcycle, and is caught daydreaming while working.
Latitude's productivity is also decreasing. Lintang also went to a psychologist to get enlightened on the problem. The psychologist said that Lintang has a tendency to be too permissive, so he is easily told by his colleagues to do parts of the project that are not suitable for the job, even though Lintang's working hours are busy.
For Lintang, refusing an incoming job would make him look unproductive, but he didn't want to be so straightforward that he felt tired. Finally, within 3 months of work, Lintang decided to resign.
Case Example #2
Galuh is a co-worker of Lintang, but in a different division. He often gets offers from his superiors to take on projects that allow him to add bonuses from overtime. However, Galuh has always rejected such projects, arguing that his schedule is already very busy. Every day, he only has 30 minutes to rest, namely lunch time and after the second break at 15.00 WIB.
Moreover, Galuh has a daughter who still has to be dropped off at school and accompanied by homework. Galuh's superiors still tried to persuade him by offering bonuses outside of overtime, but Galuh still refused. For him, these projects will not only take quality time with his children but also timeme time and develop potential in another field, namely entrepreneurship on an online shopping site.
From the two cases above, we can judge that Galuh is more assertive than Lintang because Galuh does not hesitate to refuse burdensome work for the sake of quality time with his children and himself. Being assertive does not mean shutting ourselves down, but protecting our priorities from things that could threaten our well-being.
How to Become a More Assertive Person
So, how do I become a more assertive person?
1. Know the facts about the situation and master it
Just imagine if you are in the position of Lintang and Galuh. As an individual who is often pressured by work and superiors, you will get a less comfortable position. That's why it's important for you to figure out the situation and master it.
Finding out this situation can be done by asking colleagues, for example, how urgent the job is, or the boss, about the benefits we do it. If the benefits of a job are not too great compared to the consequences, it is better if we reject it.
However, if the work is urgent, find out what we can do to contribute to it without having to take up time for ourselves. By figuring it out and considering the good and bad of a situation, we will be able to master it.
2. Anticipate the behavior of others and prepare a response
Maybe not everyone will be sensitive to social cues when others start to show manipulative attitudes, but we can practice them. Observe the movements of your boss, co-workers, or anyone else who asks us for help.
Make sure that they have a logical reason why they need help, for example, because of project deadlines that make us have to worry or pressure from management regarding a particular project. If the reason is simply that our colleague doesn't want to bother, wants a vacation, or other illogical reasons, you can raise one hand and say, "No, thanks."
3. Prepare probing questions
Sometimes, even if we have observed carefully, there are still loopholes for people to manipulate us. Asking probing questions is a way of shaking up manipulative people because those questions will expose the weaknesses of ideas, lack of preparation, and consideration for the deeds they do.
For example, ask questions regarding the veracity of the situation they claim, such as:
- Do they have a solution to the problem?
- Who do they consult with?
- How do they measure the effectiveness of such solutions?
- What do they think of other solutions that have proven effective?
If you have already asked a question, but your question is always avoided, repeat it or use another sentence. If their answers are still the same, leave them behind and focus on your own affairs.
4. Sharpen the Reaction to Manipulative People
When a manipulative boss or co-workergaslightsor blames us for our rejection, we must be able to arm ourselves with a firm reaction. Throw out logical reasons why you are unable to do work or participate in certain activities. There is no need to be afraid of them getting angry or swearing at you, as long as you have a logical argument.
5. Be Confident in Your Own Abilities
Last but not least, you have to be confident. Manipulative people will shake your self-esteem from various sides, from doubting your abilities or spreading untrue rumors about yourself. If you are not confident, you will fall into great guilt and inferiority, and seem helpless in their eyes. Therefore, it is important to recognize your strengths and use them to strengthen your position.
That's all the tips, man. If you can't practice it yet, it's okay. We don't have to be assertive right away in an instant, because there's a process. Hopefully, this new year will bring positive changes to all of us, sooner or later, including a more assertive attitude.
nice article tips, waiting next post