Human Joys and Sorrows Are Not Interlinked

 

 

Lao Zi and Zhuang Zi were great thinkers in ancient China and representatives of the Taoist school. Lao Zi once said, "Neighbouring countries face each other, the sound of chickens and dogs is heard, and people do not communicate until they die of old age." Lao Zi believes that two neighboring countries face each other, and the barking of chickens and dogs in both countries can be heard, but people eat the rich food of their own countries, wear their own clothes, live according to their own customs, and do not contact each other until they die of old age.

This passage was once simplified as "people do not communicate until they die of old age, while the cocks’ crow and dogs’ barking can be heard from each other", and was once criticized by the world as a sign of closeness, isolation and indifference. However, this was the scene of "small country with few people" at that time: self-sufficiency, carefree and not disturbing each other, which was exactly the best state of human relations.

Zhuang Zi once told a story that two fish were pushed to the shore by the tide, and when the tide receded, two fish crowded into a small shallow pool. When the water dried up, the two fish frothed and moistened each other. The two fish sighed, "It's better that we don't know each other and swim freely in the big rivers and lakes." This is the idiom story of "mutual help and relief in time of poverty are not as good as forgetting us in big rivers and lakes". Although the two fish are close and share weal and woe, which is commendable, but the best state should be that they do not disturb each other, each safe and sound in good condition.

This reminds me of a famous quote by Mr. Lu Xun, who wrote in his novel: A man downstairs was dying of illness, and the family next door was singing a gramophone; the opposite is playing with children. There were two people laughing wildly upstairs, and also came the sound of playing cards. There was a woman on the boat in the river crying for her dead mother. Human beings have different joys and sorrows and they are not interlinked. I just think they are noisy.

It means that human nature is selfish and there is no absolute empathy. One person's joys and sorrows cannot be completely felt by another person, which are not connected with each other.

A group of retirees are dancing under the overpass, including some veteran cadres, who are all well dressed and shiny. They get a higher pension, and their daily work is entertainment. But also under the overpass, there are a group of migrant workers who work. They are similar in age to these retirees, but they are working hard, wearing shabby work clothes, expressionless. From time to time, they stand there and look at the men and women dancing admiringly. They don't expect that there is such a big gap between them. Dancers do not understand the sadness of migrant workers, and migrant workers do not understand the joy of dancers. They are just like people in two worlds. They meet by chance, but they do not greet each other, nor do they understand each other's world, and they may be too lazy to understand.

My wife met two women in the community. One is doing business at home. Her daily thing is to dress up and walk around, and then dance in the square at night. She wears new clothes almost every day, and is happy every day. Her world seems to be full of pleasure and joy.

The other woman is different. She has two elder brothers in her hometown, lost her father when she was young, and only an old mother. Probably because the eldest brother's family gave birth to a girl and the second brother's family gave birth to a boy, her mother liked her second brother more than her elder brother. Unfortunately, the second brother died of illness, while the eldest brother was still angry with his parents and didn't want to support his mother, and the mother didn't want to live here with her. The woman is very worried about her mother, and her physical condition is not very good, so she is worried all day long. She dresses simply, thinking about how to earn some money every day, thinking about her old mother, as if her world is full of sadness and concern.

We can finally understand that human joys and sorrows are not interlinked. Don't expect others to understand yourself, and we can't understand others' joys and sorrows. As long as we live in our own world, we are in peace and don't disturb each other, maybe this is the best state.

老子和庄子是中国古代的大思想家，是道家学派的代表，老子曾有言：“邻国相望，鸡犬之声相闻，民至老死不相往来。”老子认为相邻的两个国家彼此可以望见，两国鸡狗的叫声都可以听见，各自吃自己的国家丰富的食物，穿自己的衣服，按照自己的风俗生活，直到老死都不互相发生联系。

这段话曾被简化为“鸡犬相闻，老死不相往来”，也曾一度受到世人的批判，认为是封闭、冷漠、寡情的表现。殊不知，这是当时那个时代下“小国寡民”的景象：自给自足，悠然自得，互不打扰，而这恰恰是人类关系的最好状态。

庄子曾讲了一个故事，有两条鱼被潮水推到了岸上，潮水退去，两条鱼挤在一个小浅水洼中。水干了，两条鱼吐沫互相润湿，两条鱼由此感慨：“此情此景，还不如我们不相识，各自在大江大湖里自由自在畅游。”这就是“相濡以沫，不若相忘于江湖”成语故事。两条鱼虽然亲近，患难与共，固然值得称道，但最好的状态应是互不打扰，各自安好。

 这使我想起了鲁迅先生的一段名言，他在小说中写道：楼下一个男人病得要死，那间隔壁的一家唱着留声机；对面是弄孩子。楼上有两人狂笑；还有打牌声。河中的船上有女人哭着她死去的母亲。人类的悲欢并不相通，我只觉得他们吵闹。

意思是说，人类的本性就是自私自利，没有绝对的感同身受。一个人的悲欢，是不可能被另外一个人彻底感受到的，彼此是不相通的。

一群退休人员在立交桥下翩翩起舞，其中不乏老干��，一个个衣着光鲜，油头粉面，光彩照人。他们拿着不菲的退休金，每日的工作就是消遣娱乐。可同样在立交桥下，还有一群干活的农民工，他们与这些退休人员有着相似的年纪，可他们一个个灰头土脸，穿着破旧的工作服，面无表情，在卖力地干着。他们不时立在那里，羡慕地看着一边跳舞的男男女女，竟不想有如此大的差距。跳舞者不懂农民工的悲，农民工也不懂跳舞者的欢，他们就像两个世界里的人，偶然遇见，却彼此都不打一声招呼，更不懂得彼此的世界，或许也懒得去懂。

妻子在小区里认识了两个女伴，一个家里做着生意，每日里的事情就是把自己打扮得漂漂亮亮，四处走走，然后晚上在广场上跳舞。她几乎每天都有新衣服穿，每天都是乐呵呵的，她的世界好似只有享乐和欢喜。

而另一个女伴就不同了，她老家有两个哥哥，自幼丧父，还有一个老母亲。大概是大哥家生了个女孩子，二哥家生了个男孩子的缘故，她的母亲喜欢她二哥而不喜欢大哥。不想二哥因病去世，而大哥赌气也不赡养自己的母亲，母亲也不愿意跟着她来这里居住。女伴很是担心自己的母亲，加之自己的身体状况也不太好，整日里忧心忡忡。她穿着朴素，每日里想着如何去挣点钱，惦记着自己的老母亲，好似她的世界里满是忧伤和牵挂。

我们最终能够明白，人类的悲欢本不相通，不要奢望别人懂得自己，我们也不可能懂得别人的悲欢。只要活在自己的世界里，各自安好，互不打扰，也许这就是最好的状态。