Do You Have Any Regrettable Day?

We all have such days in our lives. Something may happen to you that will make you regret the day you were born feeling the ground to open and swallow you. The ground, however, refuses to oblige and remains as hard as ever. It is as if it has conspired with the act to ashame you fully.

Oh, my God! I do not like to remember but there are lessons to learn from such 

"Surprise awaits you at home dear. Hurry home to see for yourself " My wife echoed gleefully in the earpiece of my phone.

I was filled with apprehension and could not wait to go home to the surprise 

The horrible hands of the office clock were moving so slowly that I wondered whether they were on strike to delay me in the office. My eyes however, kept stealing glances at the clock. Finally the time of leaving the office arrived.

I literally jumped into my car and drove maddenly out of the accursed office. I wanted home so badly.

Things were working against me. The traffic jam I found myself in was not allowing me to reach my home as fast as I wanted.

As I snaked slowly in the numerous traffic of vehicles, I felt bad. My wife's phone did not give me peace either.

Then my hunger pangs increased in intensity when I saw a hawker selling boiled eggs. The temptation was too much and I grabbed one which I gobbled down hungrily. This was an action which caused me hell on Earth. My stomach immediately started complaining loudly.

I felt sick!

The go-slow eased and I drove home.

No sooner had I reached my compound than my wife met me at the door. She was beaming with joy like a maiden who had been proposed too.

My wife suddenly came up with the idea of blindfolding me as she walked me to the sitting room. We had barely settled in the sitting room when my wife excused herself and hurried to the kitchen.

I was left standing foolishly in the middle of the sitting room. My stomach was agonising me. It was groaning unceasingly 

It was then that I let out a very loud fart. It was followed by another and another. The room was now smelling like a toilet. I could smell it through my blindfold.

"Surprise!"

My wife who had entered the room shouted as she removed the blindfold.

Sitting in my sitting room was my mother-in-law, father-in-law and my village pastor.

I fainted!